Working in the real world, I have come to realise how much slower I am in learning compared to everyone else. My failures tend to occur at the wrong time and in front of the wrong person. I am so disappointed with myself.
At times I feel sorry, knowing that if a day comes that everyone around you leaves, all you'd have would be your money and assets. Yet, I find it harder and harder each day to stay silent and take your abuse - I am not a stress ball after all. In your eyes, nothing that anyone does is worthwhile unless it is helping you out. My value in your eyes is always based on your every whim and I get tired of that. You know what my biggest fear is? Becoming exactly like you.
I loathe to step out of this secure if mundane life, but I simply cannot fathom catering to ever changing moods and desires all the time. I am not a submissive or passive person after all. Sometimes when I look you straight in the eyes, I begin to feel a wry sense of pity. There is no remorse there, just a wild conviction that every hurtful word you utter is completely justified.
12:02 AM
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Hello guys! I should really stop starting my posts with 'long time no blog'. Oh well, anyway I've been on clinical placement recently and its really drained most of my energy. My weeks consist of x-raying some patients, tutoring my student, learning Japanese, going to chinese school and working at Daiso. So I pretty much have no weekend. Oh well, I think all that moving around has one good point: I lost like a kilo.
Anyway… what has been going on? Well probably what I've done most is go out and eat food. I also had the pleasure of attending Yee sum's 19th birthday which was a joint party with one of her friends studying medicine. I baked a cake but it ended up half melting because the day was so damn hot. I swear every time I make something for someone, it either gets melted or forgotten. Sighs, gotta love my luck. The weather loves to be crappy.
Before clinical I went with Jen to a place called Bird's Nest, all the food there is grilled right in front of you and tastes so damn good.
Haven't caught up with her since then ): It's been a while. Jen is at dent school and I'm working in the hospital.
It was also my mother's birthday …. on the 22nd of February. Haha shows how long I haven't blogged ahem. We always walk past Ahmet's and it is always fully booked out so this time we booked a week in advance just so we could have dinner there on my mum's birthday.
Coincidentally, it was also the day there were belly dancers and my mum got pulled up to dance. She danced, embarrassingly so. My cousin also bought a cake as a surprise and while he distracted my mum, I snuck it into the fridge with an aldi bag. Mum went to grab some orange juice from the fridge and didn't even see it (:"
The next day, I went to the beach with Tam, Vic, Pk and Justin :) In celebration of them finishing placement and me+pk starting placement.
Vic seduced us all with her beautiful bikini bod. On a completely random note, I swear I will never have pale arms again. I keep getting shirt tans :|
I love my tam wam :3
After a few weeks of clinical, Pk and I spontaneously dragged justin and Tam out to eat food with us.
Totally into healthy eating now heh. Nah jokes, but I do try. Yes, as evidenced by the picture below evidently.
I'm glad my parents go out to eat breakfast on sundays sometimes, cause it means I can tag along and scab breakfast. Also, it means I don't have to take the bus to work.
I've resorted to drinking coffee now since my sleeping timetable is all screwed up. I'm really starting to appreciate it a lot more. I used to hate coffee but for some reason it tastes so good nowadays.
One productive thing I have done : Cleaned my closet!! Out with the old, in with the new (hopefully!)
Attended Eva's 19th birthday party on saturday (15th of March) !!
Thanks for inviting me eva :)
Ok tis all, I am off to attempt making caramel coffee macarons.
7:58 PM
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I should blog properly soon, maybe when I eventually muster up enough energy and determination to. Well its not like life has been all that interesting, I just have a mash up of pictures from the last couple of weeks.
Omg my brother, coco and mum said I look sliiiiightly skinnier, YES. I have officially started my healthy (well, healthIER) lifestyle. Just stopped eating junk food like there was no tomorrow and when I get bursts of motivation, I try to exercise (only to feel like dying after a few minutes in). Ahem.
Anyway, I should start my Japanese homework, talk later!
Sometimes I wonder if I'm even a pleasant person to hang around with or if I'm simply just blessed with friends who have a high level or tolerance and positive spirit.
9:50 PM
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This is totally out of the blue but this morning I was getting on a bus at around 6:40am and I unknowingly dropped my phone on the ground. Thank goodness a few people quickly called out to let me know. It made my suddenly realise that I am so so so grateful for the kindness, honesty and trust that my fellow Australians display.
It's so easy to take things for granted and to not pay any attention but in the past few weeks I've received kindness, advice and teaching from strangers as well as people around me. I feel a bit silly complaining about my trivial life all the time when I should be looking at things in a positive light.
I live in a place where people will tell you if you drop something, where people will return your mobile phone if they find it and where people will tell you if you give them too much change. It doesn't sound like much but its one of the beautiful things that I have started to see in the world that I live in. I don't want to grow up being distrusting and overly realistic even if my parents always live like that.
I'm too easily swayed or made uncertain by people's opinions and never take the time to properly learn things for myself. I don't want to work just to earn money, I don't want to help people just so they will help me back or to make friendships so that I will have 'connections' that will help my future. Call me naive if you will, but I think adding one more world weary and cynical person to the world isn't a great thing anyway.
12:20 AM
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