Sometimes, I wish to myself that I had more redeeming qualities in my character. I find myself dwelling too much on the past and cannot seem to thrive in the present. Although I know there are always parts of a person which are admirable, sometimes it just feels so difficult to appreciate it in myself. Ironically enough, despite feeling inadequately hardworking, cheerful, sociable and humorous I cannot bring myself to try fake something I'm not. I find myself almost embracing the fact that I am over-expressive, slow reacting and tell lame jokes. It is difficult to find a balance between loving or accepting yourself and recognising your own faults enough to recognise the need for improvement.
I suppose one would probably just call that laziness.I see much brightness in those around me and sometimes I wonder to myself if I'm just the anchor holding the ship back. I'm so content to sit back and try soothe these feelings with activities that I enjoy and later on, blaming it as a brief spurt of insecurity. Can I not bring myself to be someone that people aspire to be like?
