Pages of a novel : March 2011

wowwww grade nine D:

I'm so worried about grade 12 now, cause apparently the work load is going to get worse and we have to get like VHA 6 and above for all our subjects to get OP1 -sighsigh- and well, you see, thats like getting almost A or A+ for all your subjects, even english, yes and even chemistry ._. I've been getting little sleep this week. Well actually, its okay compared to some others who dont' live close to the school but yeah; i guess i'm just so used to being forced to go sleep at 11 that if i get less than seven hours of sleep i'm like ._. but the weird thing is, i'm more hyper when i'm sleep deprived (except in extreme cases when i get like 3-4 hours of sleep my eyes feel like they're about to die).

Studied till 12:30am last night, well some parts were just like bludge for me, i have a very short attention span ): and yeah, then i was supposed to wake up at like 5:30am to study chem and mathB but then i slept till 6:40am - -" so i had no time since my chem exam (lvl2&3) was like 7:45am in the morning ugh. I think i failed, had to like guess so many questions, either i couldn't think properly or i am just too stupid in chem. For some stupid reason, i got a nosebleed while i was doing my exam, like what is thisss? D: cursed* lol okay not really, but um yeah. Straight after chem test we had to go do our mathB MAP exam in first period T_T which i epically failed, like literally, and not even asian fail. Wake up call penny chen, get better at math, no make that everything o:

Got my level one chem test results back : C+ C+ C , its alright i guess, considering the highest mark you can get for level one is C+. My teacher marks easy so yeah. I spent the second half of my lunch break getting back the cards in my wallet as terry/kaido/yang etc randomly decided to take it D: and then they held my cards high up so i couldn't reach - -" cause i'm so shortt, so i tried jumping which kinda failed. But in the end while they didn't expect it i snatched it back 8) cause i'm ninja like that. Nah i wish lol. Had english with cindy last, it was boring though because our teacher made us do so much work --" she gives like so much homework every single lesson!

Why do i remincise so much? esp. grade nine/eight ? ._. its not like its going to come back but um yeah okay lol byeeee.

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okay more random quotes i found =D for cindyyy, my uh crush who does not repriocate my love :'( haha nah jks, i'm not into muscular people like her :L okay i'm joking again, she's not muscular (H)

After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand, and falling in love. You'll learn kisses don't always mean something. Promises can be broken just as easily as they were made, and as hard as it is to believe, sometimes goodbyes are forever.

Life doesn't hurt until you have time to yourself to think about how things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it is your fault.

Let me ruin your life, let me break your heart, then I'll ask you why we can't be friends. Let me rip your world into little pieces, let me destroy who you thought you were, and then I'll ask if we can be friends.

It's not my fault if I can't help looking at you. It's not my fault if I can't stop calling you. It's not my fault I do like you. My only mistake was to fall to much in love with you.

And even though you lied, and even though you pretended to care I can't seem to get you out of my mind and even though it seems like I should be over you, with every tear that falls, it reminds me of how much I am still in love with you.

I've been through this pain before I've even cried these tears before but to get you back, I'd go through so much more.

I'm gonna smile, because I wanna make you happy, laugh, so you won't see me cry. I'm gonna let you go in style, and even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile.

The sun won't shine since you went away; feels like the rains fallig everyday. There's just one heart, where there was once two but thats the way its gonna be until i get over you.

I never stopped loving you. Even when I was acting crazy, I loved you. I've tried to show you in a million ways but nothing ever got through.

For him I'd smile when he's happy kiss him when he's sad... try to be the perfect girl and calm him when he's mad hold his hand to make him strong and say he's right when I know he's wrong.

I smile then break down & cry, you're the reason I keep going and the reason I fall, cause without you in my life I'm nothing at all.

& LOL AT THIS ONE :

I wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could friggen drown you in them.

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We're all hoping that someday there is going to be someone that will think you're the most amazing person. They'll look at your flaws and think of them as perfection, they'll look out for you even when you don't realise and to them you'll be different from everyone else.

Anyways hi :)
You know, i think we always feel that the past is better than present because we only remember the good times. I look back year before year and it seems that my life at present is always unhappy compared to the old times. But then, thats probably incorrect because we never think about the sad moments D: okay wow this post is so random but yeah. I've thought for the past year that revealing too much of yourself online was bad i guess.. but looking back it seems though i was more myself then. There were still people who cared back then right? Its time i learnt to be myself, not lock it all up~ not saying i'm gonna write everything here cause thats just kinda ._. and i'm still too cowardly but yeah. I'm gonna try post whatever i feel like posting - and whatever i feel like writing. And just to contradict myself, i'm still afraid you guys will judge me. -sigh- oh well, anyway OMG i need to go study for chem&mathB T_T i'm such a loser with no life, sitting here talking to myself

just some quotes from my old posts that i found / made up, since i know cindy likes quotes :L :

Forget the times he walked by, forget the times he made you cry,
Forget the times he spoke your name, Remember now you`re not the same.
Forget the times he held your hand, the sweet things if you can,
Forget the times & don't pretend, Remember now he's just your friend.

I can't make your heart feel something it won't.
Ignore the risk, make the fall, if you want it bad, it’s worth it all.

You always say you hate to see me hurt,
& you hate to see me cry.
So all those times that you hurt me;
did you close your eyes?

I miss the talks we used to have ; the voice I used to hear.
I miss hearing your crazy but cool stories but above all these,
I just miss you being near.

Sometimes, no matter how long or how hard
you’ve loved someone, they’ll never love you back.
and no matter how much it hurts,
you’ll have to be okay with that.

You can't see that I'm hurting,
You don't notice the pain.
It feels like everyone else is sitting in the sunshine,
while I drown in the rain.

just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean that
her heart doesn't cry & just because she comes
off strong doesn't mean there is nothing wrong.

after a while, you get sick of caring,
& you’re too hurt to fight.
sometimes, no matter what you do,
things won’t be alright.

& when I wake up, I realize that everything's still wrong,
I'm still here and you're still gone.

Even when I pour my heart out to you,
I'm not sure it shows, that I love you more than you'll ever know.

i feel like one of the least important people in your life, when i used to be one of the most important people in your life &
it’s just a hard thing to get used to.

There is part of me that wants an answer,
& part of me that doesn't want to know,
Part of you that I'm in love with,
& the part that I'm wanting to let go.

i cry for the times you were almost mine, for the tears left behind;
i cry for the pain the lost, the old the new.
But most of all i cry for the times i thought i had you.

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Happy birthday phuong! (aka sunflower child) :)

hope you had a great birthday pong, the little girl who likes hairy chested men 8) !

BIRTHDAY GIRLLL , i mean GUY :D

hahaha they both look so adorable!

I had orchestra in the morning and my mum dropped me off since she pulled a 'sickie' today for work LOL tsk tsk, such a wagger. Haha okay, i'm just kidding, anyway i was dropped off at P block and then i saw miss kuno standing outside the school gates so i had to

walk all the way around P block cause she was staring me down - -'' cause as you all know, she is super pmsy and really mean D: Anyway, orchestra was alright, we're slowly slowly getting better -shiftyeyes- except we got new songs again, so more learning for us LOL. Talked to cindy in math C and yeah, i need to start focusing better in class -sigh- but anyway, the stuff we were learning was basically physics ._. i think i'm gonna fail my physics testtt. Then at break time cindy was spazzing ;)

Class was okay, i think my jap teacher hates me though cause she always catches me turning away from her and saying something to cindy/nat :L oh man, hope i don't get B for behaviour or anything or i'll be like =\ math B was pretty good, actually did some revision questions, haha wow i'm amazed i actually ended up teaching someone how to do a question .____. -feels proud- okay not really but, i feel better LOL okay. maybe my brain is just wired differently to other people.

Went to work afterschool, and came home just then to find a new music stand ! Finally :) cause my old one was too short for me - yes guys, believe it or not it was too SHORT for me :D i like my new black one, i'm sure elaine likes it too 8) (inside joke guys)

i made these gold roses out of ferrero rocher wrapping :

sometimes you wonder if they would ever, just once, turn back to glance and see if you were still there. If they would bother trying to make you feel as though you still meant something to them.

-leftbehind

Perhaps i only saw in him what i wanted to see, not what he would always be.

good night!

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"Why can’t you just walk out of my life? Why are you still here? Why? Just take your girlfriend and go. Leave me be. I don’t want you around, a constant, daily reminder of the cause of my sadness. When I found out, I was heartbroken. But not because I wanted to be her. No. I was heart-broken because I saw it coming, and I knew things would change and never be the same again. I saw the delicate friendship that I worked so hard to polish and strengthen, fall to pieces. We used to take the bus together. You would wait for me at the bus stop. We would walk together, laughing. We would sit together in the morning, caught in our world of ‘logic’. Later, you would wait for me, we would walk together again, talk some more and then take the bus together again. Each day, it was the same. Each day would be a cheerful one. Then all of a sudden, everything changed. All that time you spent with me, you now spent with her."

-by a friend.

had a massive headache for 3/4 of the day so i went to buy cold strawberry milk, didn't work , so i pretty much just talked to yee sum in physics instead of properly doing my assignment =\ but it was good to talk to her :D and english was pretty bludge too, passing notes with cindy and talking about some things that have happened to us in the past etc. During assembly Gajana shaved her head (shave for a cure). She's so brave! I would never muster the courage to do that, even if its for raising money D:

At lunch time some people had meetings so it was mainly just me & sophia ~ hmm should go study chem soon, the test is next week + math B KAP&MAP + Math C KAP&MAP -sighsigh- i can't believe i used to have time to go shopping afterschool w/ friends & go take stickies etc. or maybe i'm just too lazy to do so now.

Hmm we might be buying this unit in the same apartment we're currently living in, except its much prettier cause its renovated. We haven't actually owned our own house since moving from new zealand :L but yeah, if we were going to stay in this apartment, i'd rather we buy this unit lol.

kay goodnight everyone!

no one likes being left behind.

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Yesterday i spent the night doing math B :) and i finally finished, hopefully i didn't make any mistakes though cause i didn't bother checking it D: Today i did a bit of english and then went to work, saw joona & coco while i was there. I'm starting to like work better , not dreading it as much as before but after work something pretty creepy happened.

It was 7:00pm at night and i was waiting at the busstop and some random guy who looked like he was in his thirties came up to me and asked me the time. Afterwards instead of just leaving he stands and starts talking to me and asks me stuff like 'where are you from?' 'where do you work?' 'how long have you been in australia' okay so they're not that pedo questions but yeah and he was nice&all , he started telling me he worked in a restaurant/ finished studying in a language school and how he's from turkey ._. thats not as scary but afterwards he left and said 'it was nice meeting you' and like 10 minutes later he's back again and starts telling me about all the countries he's visited and how he hasn't visited mine.

him: so, you wanna text each other? I reckon we could become good friends
me: um.... i don't mind......but my sim number is changing soon so yeah.
him: well if you don't want to its okay, but we're just texting , no meeting up at all, we can tell each other about ourselves and our culture
me: um... well i don't know much about my country

In the end i did give him my number, well half of it anyway before i decided it was too dodgy and so i changed the last few digits o_o i feel kinda guilty because he might've just genuinely wanted to be friends ( he didn't look like the pedo type, more like a overseas studying person). But yeah.. i was kinda creeped out ._. and i stupidly told him i went to state high/ worked at mcdonalds , how stupid was i? Couldn't think up something clever on the spot -sigh- =\ hopefully i never meet him again though otherwise he'd be like 'why'd you give me a fake number' ?

my mum was telling me all these 'be friendly-without-telling-things-about-yourself' techniques afterwards. Well, anyways, she was like 'it comes with experience penny, once you have more experience you'll know how to react to these things' ._. um okay mum LOL well k i'm going to finish english noww omg i'm screwed

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a photo i forgot to upload on my mum's birthday!

Good evening :3

Today skipped cross country because i was too lazy to crawl up early in the morning, instead i got to wake up at 8:30am since my mum wasn't working today and decided she'd drop us off at school 8) Good thing she did cause all the umbrellas in our house are like screwed up and yeah lol, she ended up giving me one though because i had jap tutor today. Hmm well i was kinda stupid and left it in the jap classroom .___." oh well, it was broken anyways.

Spend the first break doing math B assignment in the library but i didn't end up doing much, gosh hope i don't fail. Okay, i'm going to stop complaining :) At break time things were @@ i spent the break trying to run away from jennifer cause she was on a high, and when that happens, well we're all in danger LOL nah i'm kidding, she's cool. Yes! apparently there is enough people who want to go on the japan trip so this year it'll just be my grade going on the japan trip :D can't wait!

Took the bus afterschool with bill since he was going ns, thanks for lending me your umbrella~ & then i went jap tutor. It was raining really hardkore when i got there so i ran and hid under this tree LOL , i was like standing there like a bogan and then i saw jason~ ty for the umbrella haha and then my jap teacher came to pick me up :) It was a pretty good lesson, my teacher is so nice! & then she gave me her umbrella cause she was scared i'd get wet D: thankyou (even though she probably isn't reading this). Need to stop leaving things behind haha~

Hmm i just spent this post talking about umbrellas LOL, anyway how was your day? Anyone feel like they're drowning in assignments? Or maybe its just me cause i'm procastinating so much, argh i feel so guilty @_@. Gonna keep trying to improve though since you know, once you give up there is no hope :L Aiming to have a better personality too~ oh okay wait, why am i talking to myselfffff?

ANYWAYS, just something amusing i found on my physics revision sheet yesterday :

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