Last week of high school
Wow I've completely gone into relax mode despite the fact that blocks are in like a week or so. I'm so unprepared. I'm not really feeling a sense of urgency though, well I am a little but it hasn't spurred me into action yet. My head has been filled with formal plans this term argh. I'm about to begin my last week of high school ever. It feels....odd. Well I don't think it has sunk in yet. I know I'm not looking forward to uni yet I haven't started missing high school yet. I just feel blank, probably because I still haven't accepted that I'm soon going to leave high school. I'm going to leave my teenage years behind to forge a new path for myself. I kind of want to remain in my little bubble of naivety.
I really need to do well on my blocks though, especially my math B & physics ones. I don't feel like touching chemistry or english at all. I actually hate this english assignment, so much so that I haven't even worked on it much. It's due in a week. Oh my.
Man, I really do need to learn to control my emotions though. They impede my studying efforts so much. I can't concentrate or even motivate myself to do anything when I'm feeling an intense emotion and lately that has been happening a lot. I also need to learn how to protect my own privacy. It seems as though I'm always blurting whatever happens in my life to the world. Books are my only solace, they take me to another world, a world which doesn't seem as problematic as my own. I haven't been contemplative for a while. Should I be true to myself and write down whatever comes to mind? Or should I learn to be more vague about my opinions and just blog normally?
This sounds so cliche but I really don't want to grow up. I'm not mentally prepared for what's to come. I'm not independent enough yet. I still don't have enough guts to go sort out things myself. I'm too chicken to go update my bank card which has been expired for almost a year now. Okay cool. I can do this. Good news though, I'm starting to have an idea (maybe) what I want to do in uni. I'm kind of interested in sonography, like becoming a sonographer (someone who operates ultrasonic imaging devices to produce diagnostic scans/images). Maybe I won't feel like such a failure if I manage to become a professional in the medical field. I've set my sights on medicine for so long now that I simply don't know what other field I want. I've orientated my decisions and choices towards something in the medical field for so long now. I don't think my so-called ability to write short stories will amount to anything significant anyway.
Okay I need to get back down to earth. My moods are so changeable lately, I swear I'm bipolar. Lets just make this a reflection of the night before my last week of high school yeah? Good night!
0 comments