我以為
Okay you know what? I shouldn't have deleted that post a couple of days ago. I should've left it up because in the end, it proved extremely relevant to what happened today. I thought maybe I was just being difficult, emotional and well generally easily offended so I decided to take the post down. I thought maybe I was just over thinking and that maybe I judged too quickly. Maybe half of you didn't see it, well thats kind of a good thing I guess since it's not exactly a happy post. This isn't really going to be one either. I don't want to point the problem out too obviously nor single out names, because well I guess there is still some part of me that doesn't want to bring any judgements upon those involved as well as myself. But I believe those who were involved will know exactly what I'm talking about.
Maybe I'm being to petty, maybe there was a misunderstanding. I'd like to think so, but I genuinely doubt it. How many times has it been that we've had a problem over this? You of all people, I honestly thought you changed. I thought you wanted to make an effort instead of purposefully excluding people while making it damn obvious. You know, if you didn't want to come, you could've just said so; you didn't have to go pretending you did. Was it mockery? It sure does seem like it, because although I initially accepted your reason, it turned out to be more of a serious omission of truth. Like the fact that the reason you couldn't join us was because you already 'made plans with some friends' - Friends who happened to be the exact same people who were invited to come out today. Were you trying to rub it in our faces when you made it public? I didn't want to be mad at you, I kept thinking maybe I was just being over emotional but no. I was wrong. From knowing you over the years, there is a high probability that what you did today was intentional and not just because you were simply too insensitive. I don't believe that. You might say I sometimes go out with other people without inviting you. The difference is, it's usually a small group and not including everybody we're both associated with. So I wasn't exactly purposefully excluding you was I? I did make attempts to invite you too, though you always seemed too busy for that too. Even for whole group outings with everybody there.
I still don't understand your motive. To exclude so it gives you a special close knit feeling with other people? To hurt those who genuinely considered you a friend? If so, congratulations, you've achieved your purpose. If you were to do this, could you not have made it slightly more PRIVATE? It wouldn't really lessen the severity of the situation by much, but at least it would show that you had some sense of decency to make it seem subtle. Maybe I'm too naive? Or was too naive? I considered you a friend, I thought all of us would be happy to see one another. Instead, all that was received was a limited amount of response; a few excuses which didn't end up quite so applicable since you seemed perfectly capable of turning up somewhere else all together. I believed in you. Maybe some of you didn't do it out of malicious intent but you could've said something. Told us what was going to happen. Am I honestly being over sensitive? After its happened so many times? It takes so much effort just to organise and chase up most of you to make sure the time is right, what we're doing is right so that you want to turn up.
I don't know, I thought we all treasured this friendship. After what happened today though, I can only conclude:
1. You specifically were trying to rub it in our face, and to 'piss us off' because its 'funny' (which you seem to love doing).
2. Maybe the rest didn't care as much as I did about what we had. You didn't see it necessary to tell us or anything.
I guess what I think sometimes doesn't really match up to reality. I'm honestly disappointed, and of course all the other kind of emotions that generally come with that. I would've done almost anything for you guys. Truly. But I guess you guys didn't feel the same way.
1 comments
That bitch needs to learn a lesson.
ReplyDelete