Complaining yet again
You know, I came home in a relatively good mood today. I was all pumped for study actually. Managed to get a bit of english done and then yeah. Main reasons why I was relatively cheerful:
1. I managed to conquer my fears and went to ask if I could get a UMAT identification letter (doesn't sound like much but for me it is, I'm usually very hesitant to ask people things).
2. Foonie & I did more discussion for our chemistry EEI, felt better
3. Found out I got offered position for badminton captain.
Except, the third point now is the reason my mood has gone crappy. I came home, told my mum about captain and she didn't say much, just asked me if I really did the right thing. Really?? Then.. I hesitantly told my dad after dinner. Well I mentioned that I wanted to join badminton, that was all. Then, he jumped up and started shouting. He kept asking me why I wanted to join. Then he said he forbids it because its my final year of schooling and I should be concentrating on studies instead. Then harps on about how violin is actually continuous whereas badminton is not and that I was stupid for choosing to want to join this semester. Hello? Badminton only begins this semester. I get that he is concerned and that I need to focus, but can't he understand that Badminton is really important to me? He just likes the idea of me being in a orchestra more, that is why he doesn't object to me joining orchestra.
I told him I got offered captain..and he told me to stop having my head in the clouds. He told me that they were just pulling my leg, that I didn't get captain because I was skilled at playing or anything, or because I had leadership. He said the just decided to give it to me, that they were just 'pulling me leg'. Thanks a lot, really. I never took my parents to be the typical ones which focused on all on study - they said they weren't the type themselves yet here they are, doing just that. Actually, my dad seems to contradict whatever he says all the time. He could have just talked to my nicely, instead he just paced around the room shouting and saying how I'm not focused enough. How I'm still being 'hungover' about the fact that natsuki left. How i'm always finding excuses not to study. He says that if I join badminton, I won't have enough energy to study and that our family will end up paying for it when exam time comes (aka they will suffer because I will apparently force them to stay up with me and stress). I don't even want to explain what usually goes on but I'm so sick of it. There are a million things I want to complain about but I won't, or there will be more for you guys to judge me on later :s
I guess I just want to vent, and then go and try study. I'm trying not to let emotions affect me too much. Right now I'm just kinda pissed/not happy. I do understand their concerns, why they would be hesitant. What I'm bugged about is the way he said it, the way he reacted. Couldn't he just have talked normally? without shouting? Without putting me down? He just had to go on and tell me that in all honestly I could never play well because I'm short, because I would never be able to reach high shots, that they definitely did not choose me because I was good at badminton. I know all of that already, I'm not stupidly cocky about these kind of things, I know alright? I just wanted a chance to step out, to take on a role I haven't taken on before. Sure, there is always a first for everything, but can't he just understand that I want to complete my five years of badminton ? I've spent all my high school years playing badminton and he still thinks I joined because I don't want to focus on school. I know I'm not a leader, I'm not amazing at badminton, yes like he says there ARE a lot of people who are better than me. I get all that, but can't he give me a chance? I'm not going to say I'll be amazing as captain, maybe I won't even be good but hey, I'm graduating this year. Also, I've attended badminton since grade 8, that is dedication right? Some other people only rocked up last year and decided to join, even if they have better sporting capabilities, does that 100% entitle them to captain ?
I'm not saying I'm perfect for the role, but at least my parents could have been a bit more supportive or said something along the lines of how they're happy but they think I should concentrate on studies. a;woeifn Don't worry actually. Just being moody, extremely moody atm. I can't even be bothered explaining, I could even be making excuses for myself again not to study. Possibly. I don't even know who to believe. Parents or myself. Well goodnight, Now i've ranted I think I shall go study physics now / complete english homework/umat/math hw.
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