Absence
Hello guys,
It's at an ungodly hour again but I find myself sitting here instead of completing the rest of my Japanese tutor homework. I guess I feel like I haven't been keeping up with my blogging , I know i've said this so many times before but yeah.
It seems as though writing down my thoughts has become harder and harder for me now - simply because if I sit down and think about it, there is a matter of privacy, not only in regards to myself. I've been feeling a bit run down and busy lately.. my mum is overseas at the moment looking after my sick grandma so I've taken charge of the house chores - including making food and cleaning up. I know I should be used to all this by now, I guess it sort of goes to show that I haven't yet toughened up yet. We are also moving house so things seem to sort of be muddled up, I feel like I need to get my life together.
This week has been a blur of university classes, quizzes, work, social commitments as well as familial ones I suppose. This week hasn't been such a great one - I feel as though I've not been up to scratch and I made a mistake I wasn't very proud of.. considering I always prided myself in never doing this kind of thing. On one hand I'm still repenting my mistake, with some feelings of guilt; yet the other part cannot help but dredge up past events to try justify my mistake to myself. I guess it helped me put into perspective that things are not always black and white, that my perceptions are not always accurate. I should never make assumptions and I feel as though I should stop comparing the past.
Sometimes I feel as though life is such a struggle , of course there are so many happy times and happy memories :3 but still, to change is such a hard journey. You take a few steps forwards and you're on a high, yet there are days where you start to doubt all the steps you've taken. Perhaps I reflect to much, but I feel it is so essential so I always evaluate my actions and feelings. Otherwise, it's so easy to unknowingly lose people or to trick ourselves into believing we are fine with something we aren't.
For this reason, it both frustrates and scares me when someone doesn't take the time to self-reflect;it makes it so much more difficult to understand what they are thinking. I think I'm just letting everything this week catch up to me; I wanted to practice positive vibes but honesty is honesty right? It's not that it's been an epically hard week or anything, I just suddenly feel frustrated at myself for feelings and thoughts I cannot control.
I always feel a little strange when I see people posting emotional or very personal things on social platforms such as Facebook but here I am doing something similar. Well I guess I sort of look at my blog as a diary since it's been with me since 2009 and it has some semblance of privacy to me but oh well. I guess this will be something interesting to look back upon if I ever come across it in my later years :)
Anyhow, I suppose it is time I went and got some sleep, it's been a bit of a long day with work and everything. Remain grateful and be remindful of happy memories; that is what I must try to practice ~^^
Oh, and I love onigiri :3
Okay, good night!! (or should I say morning).
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