Wow, I just logged into bebo after a billion years. Made me realise how much people have changed, including me. Some of the things I wrote/posted made me really want to face palm and sink into a hole. I guess we were all young, happy & naive back then. Nowadays, its all about competition or romance or studies. Back in the old days, you could 'give love' to someone without them taking it the wrong way, say all these weird things without being judged. Overall, everyone was on friendly terms with each other. After looking through bebo & some of my old msn messages, I realised that I've stopped talking to so many people. Although becoming 'mature' does have its perks but I think growing up has robbed away most of that easy happiness we once had. 

Honestly though, I've mostly realised how much you've changed and how much I miss the old you.  

Mum & bro 

Ew lol, why does my brother get all the cheekbones & long lashes/eyebrows? T_T so unfair, not even kidding. 

Cakeeeee! Ahahaha sorry mibi ;3 

Haha just got back from Jap tutor, it always has the ability to cheer my mood up for some reason. Probably cause my japanese tutor is like the nicest person on earth and can always somehow assure me that I'm not the imbecile I believe myself to be. Her son Luca is so freaking adorable <3 I would post a picture but that is kinda pedo-ish and plus don't want any stalkers to go hunt him down cause he is so cute. I think he is about 1 and a half years old? Half italian, half jap :D so cool! 

Omgosh the cutest part is he recognises me now, although he can't speak full sentences he calls me 'Pe pe' as in short for 'Penny' lol, so adorable!!!!!!!!! Haha never thought I was such a child lover/ obsessed with cute kids but yeah, he is so adorable + he randomly utters phrases of japanese all the time & in my opinion anyone who can speak jap is amazing. Jap tutor said she liked how chinese sounded and I was like D: what? Japanese sounds so much cooler lol. Anyways, off to do a bit of assignments & then watching the Vow with brother & mum. Oh its my brother's birthday tomorrow, so happy birthday Jed! 

Went to SLQ after school today with anisha to try graph our physics results on tracker :\ Didn't work out cause it wouldn't work on my laptop or the library computers. Saw so many people there. Initially, I found it hard to believe that anyone could study at SLQ as it seemed time consuming to even make the journey as well as study with heaps of other people you know. However, I've come to realise it actually helps, knowing others around you are also studying and you aren't alone.  

I think not going on Facebook has saved quite a bit of time but I'm still reading many people's blogs :\ Argh so many things to do.... got my english draft back and the feedback wasn't good ): Made me feel a bit crappy for the rest of the day. Also, I think I left my usb at school somewhere but since I have orchestra tomorrow morning, I can't go check. 

Assignments: 

-English feature article due next monday

-Math B assignment due next tuesday

-Physics EEI due in week four 

-Chemsitry ERT notes due next week & then exam week after

asd;ofianw;eoifna I haven't even done chem at all. Oh and I haven't even had time to study the things we're learning at school asdf;oaisne;foa. 

Argh, feel kinda annoyed at a two people. :\ 

我がままなの

goal complete: Successfully deactivate Facebook  

Other goals: 

-Finish physics EEI  

- Catch up on chem, math B, math C and Physics homework/study 

-Do section 1&3 of Umat every night 

-Sleep before 12am 

-Finish english & math B assignments 

-Do research for chemistry ERT 

-Stop stress eating, esp. after 8:30pm 

-Stop reading other people's blogs (besides a few selective ones) 

If I can achieve all those, maybe I might even have a shot at getting into medicine :s It is time to tidy myself up, no more daydreaming & thinking everything is going to be okay (Yeah, I occasionally just get so tired of everything I convince myself that I'll be fine either way - as a rubbish truck driver or like a loser who lives at home cause after all, I'll still have enough money to eat)  ^^" 

omg, I love this anime/manga soooo much! Usui <3 Haha -fangirl moment- 

 Haha turning back into that anime obsessed freak again, probably cause their life seems x100000 better than mine :\ 

Sigh, wish there were actually people like Usui / Misaki out there  ): Wow I sound like a sad loser haha. Okay, goodnight! 

Today I went to SLQ with georgina to do our math assignment since we got given the same data :) It was my second time being there, bumped into so many people there: foonie, kevin, justine, linda, liam & of course, Jennifer & terry ;) 

Its funny cause georgina & I were looking around trying to find jen&terry but we couldn't, however after about half an hour or so, we see them come up the stairs and naturally, we ducked behind this pane of glass at the table we were sitting at. I think the people around us thought we were retarded ._. cause we kept peaking and then ducking our heads. After, georgina wanted to grab some lunch so we left our table and went to disturb the lovebirds :3 Yeah, thats about it. I feel like I haven't done much though. I'm getting extremely distracted these days :\ Probs gonna deactivate Facebook for a while... ahem* I'll probably need to stop using it for about 8 weeks or so. 

So yeah, anyway. That is all for now. Fingers crossed that Ms. Gilmour liked my english draft :\ Though I didn't spend as much time on it compared to usual. Argh. I've been hardcore procrastinating. I will deactivate Facebook in the next few days. I WILL. :)  

oh and i need to do umat... @@ 

Haha I cut my fringe and trimmed my hair a few days ago, but since I'm pro no one noticed the difference 8) I was bored so I brushed it into bangs, my old hairstyle. I'm so unused to it now, it feels really uncomfortable and covers my eyes. I used to have it like this 24/7 ._. Well cause I have a giant forehead and I can't cut it any shorter or I'll look like ugly creep, not even joking. Elaine has seen me once like that (cause it was my first time cutting and so I pulled my hair down and SNIP) It ended up halfway between my eyebrows and the top of my head T_T Yeah, she'll never forget that -sigh- She has seen so many of my fails in life aka :

-spraying perfume straight into my eye at the pharmacy cause I was trying to figure out how to spray it 
-walking straight into a pole right after telling her I wasn't retarded 
-Saying 'good' to someone asking me how I old I was (cause I heard 'how are you) 
-doing what she calls the 'spider jump' at the swimming carnival in grade 8 (basically I belly flopped by accident)  


Orz lol I sound like such a loser aye, doing so many retarded things ._. 

ANNNYWAYS. physics. yes. Physics! Bye midgets :) 

-I want amazing marks so my parents won't be disappointed in me 

-I want to be someone that people can look up to and respect

-I want to be someone who people turn to when they want someone to talk to 

-I want to be astounding at something

-I want to be uniquely myself  

-I want to be beautiful

-I want to be someone filled with positive spirit, someone who is full of optimism 

-I want to be one of those people who can give joy to others 

Most of all, I want to be able to achieve these things but realistically, its not going to be a possibility. Maybe if I worked hard, worked really really hard perhaps. Nah, I'm pretty sure I'll never be one of those people who stand out as astounding but I'm happy to just improve :s You know the other day, I realised the reason why I feel lonely when I'm not with friends & why I enjoyed going on the Japan trip so much. 

After talking with mum, I realised it was because I always felt inferior and useless at home, unable to live up to expectations whereas at school, I'm someone that other people can sometimes talk to, someone who is sometimes able to help. I feel less useless and rather I am able to feel better about myself. Although I've been told that I'm pessimistic (well not towards others but mainly towards myself) I've never regarded myself as one of those with self esteem issues. However, I've slowly begun to realise that maybe I need to have a little more faith in myself cause telling myself I'm going to fail isn't magically going to help me, in fact, it'll make me feel like giving up. I've felt like giving up so many times, letting go of the possibility that I could achieve OP1, that I could do something amazing enough to please my parents. I just need to convince myself I can I guess. I'm awfully reliant on the opinion of others, so weird since I'm apparently stubborn and headstrong at the same time ._. personality disorder!! :O 

Anyways, I should really get back to english...): 450 words only so far, not good not good. Draft due monday along with Math B draft tuesday + physics & I haven't even started!!!!!!!!!! What. Is. Wrong. With. Me. Need. To. Stop. Daydreaming. 

Oh my gosh, I keep wanting to watch Kaichou wa maid-sama again T_T I thought I had stopped liking anime. Oh wells, I'm going crazy, thats okay too. Keep saying the most random things these days/ forgetting the most basic things ._. I have the memory span of a goldfish these days. Everything is blurring together, I've realised that I'm beginning to lose sense of time. I don't notice what day it is and I don't notice my fatigue at 1:30am in the morning ._. Ahhhh!! Wow I blog about the most random things. Anyways, goodnight my little ones :) 

Yuting and micaela :)

I just thought of the possibility that perhaps you don't want to share. That perhaps you want to rely on yourself instead. I guess thats good too, sorry I didn't realise earlier. Lol i will find time to blog properly someday :L 

Haha I'll blog about music camp later. We had an all nighter on the last day and so as soon as I got home I went to bed. No one woke me up the next day till like 10:40am T_T cause brother usually relies on me to wake him up but this time you know, so I was super late to school for the first time in my life. Bro was too lazy to go school << and on the bus I was texting my mum telling her I was forging a note to give to the school and then some guy was pushing a pram out of the bus but I didn't see cause I was texting and he was all like: 

' Oh, so i'm just going to roll over your feet am I ?' 

me: 'sorry..:S ' 

' Cause you're on your F*cking phone'  

Had such a bad morning... << and I was half dead too. I'm still dead actually, super tired and I haven't done any work!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh. Bad start. Bad start. Bad start. Argh. PENNY CHEN. WAKE UP.  

Came home, about to start homework and then for some reason started D&M'ing with mum about family etc. and stuff :o 

Jenwen <3 

OFF TO MUSIC CAMP !!

yes be jealous mini, i'll be spending three days with fuzz ;) 

Mr. Halai: aren't you two best friends? 

cindy: Ew, no, she's too ugly. I have high expectations

me: so THATS why you have no friends :D 

LOL. xoxo cindy ;) 

Oh my gosh..did i mention that when Yee sum and I went to shop for polystyrene balls at crazy clarks we saw miss williams? So awkward lol. 

Safe and sound - Taylor Swift 

currently addicted to this song :) 

Today I went to pick up Yee sum at Southbank then we went to the city to look for things for our physics EEI. So awkward haha we went to crazy clarks and the reject store but we couldn't find polystyrene balls so Yee sum went up to the people and was like 'um... do you sell polystyrene/foam balls?' The people gave us slightly weird looks lol. Well at least the reject store lady did. 

She then came over to my house and we proceeded to cut our 'balls' in half to put a mass inside :P Okay after that anisha came over so I went to bus stop to pick her up. 

Altogether I made like 4 trips to the bus station actually, if including walking back home, 8 times D: Okay. I need to do lots of work!! -positive encouragement- yes penny. you can do this!! 

asdoifaw;eoifjas;doifj 

I must not rage. I must not rage. I must not rage. 

Okay I will not rage :D 

Haha the picture above reminds me of this uh phrase I learnt in chinese school, I quite like it :) 

楓紅染霞

Hello guys, how are you? << I should stop posting random things on my blog lol. 

I think cause violette taught me it was okay to blog about your uhhhh feelings? Well from reading violette's blog that's what it taught me but yeah. I'm especially weird so maybe me doing that isn't very good after all haha D: Cause my moods can be very uh fluctuating. 

Hmmmm Yee sum is coming over to do Physics EEI tommorrow :) 

Greetings guys :) Okay don't ask me why I'm blogging at 1:05am in the morning haha. I guess just feeling a bit empty...somehow. I don't know how to describe it but the holidays especially always make me feel empty, like I'm somehow missing something or just alone? Is that weird? 

I have a few hypothesises: 

- I'm feeling guilty cause I've barely done any study/assignments 

-I feel cut off from civilisation cause I can't go out/go on msn/chat with anyone 

-I'm worried 'bout this thing that happened today

-I'm worried about the fact that I seem to have given up on my dreams 

-I'm just a night owl and a dead person in the morning 

@@ ahahaha I sound like such a loser 'OHH LETS SOOK NOW CAUSE PENNY ISN'T IN THE MOOD TO SLEEP' sighs* 

I seem to have gotten too used to company now, used to be able to do so many things alone. Now I'm so reliant on always having someone there. Well majority of the time, thats not going to happen penny chen    - -" Oh no, I'm talking to myself again. Did you guys know I used to always type messages to myself telling myself to work harder to get in State high? Haha I was a weird kid, actually probably still am.. noticed I've been using a lot of '...' lately even though i used to hate them. Okay irrelevant again. 

Second day of UMAT workshop tomorrow.... I hope I do alright for the practice test though I doubt it, my section 1&3 really suck. Hahaha... :s 

Didn't have time to do umat on schooldays so did most of the work this holidays but I keep being lazy and doing section two cause its easy for me - -" For my first practice test 

Section 1:  24 percentile or lower o_o 

Section 2: 94 percentile 

Section 3: 20 percentile 

or something like that I think..... i cbs checking but yeah. See how pathetic the results are? :O But apparently its easiest to improve in section 1&3 and hardest to improve in section 2 soooooo hopefully that's the case. Ahahaha I love typing on my macbook. It's so pretty!!!!! <-- yeah the only thing i care about lol, brother was face palming cause apparently this computer has a crap graphics card or something? Oh and apparently its actually really crap? i don't think so o_o but okay. Should go now, or i'll be dead for umat workshop tomorrow :') 

wow..i typed a lot

Oyasumi~ 

From research for my next english assignment, I came across the book Pride and Prejudice. Although I initially found it hard to read but I've come to appreciate its content. 

The narrative opens with Mr Bingley, a wealthy young bachelor, moving into Netherfield house in the neighbourhood of the Bennet family. Mr Bingley is soon well received, while his friend Mr. Darcy makes a less favorable first impression by appearing proud and condescending. Mr Bingley singles out Elizabeth's elder sister, Jane, for particular attention, and it soon becomes apparent that they have formed an attachment to each other. On paying a visit to Mr Bingley's sister, Jane is caught in a heavy downpour, catches cold, and is forced to stay at Netherfield for several days. Elizabeth arrives to nurse her sister and is thrown into frequent company with Mr Darcy, who begins to perceive his attachment to her.

Mr Collins, a clergyman, pays a visit to the Bennets. Mr Bennet and Elizabeth are much amused by his obsequious veneration of his employer, the noble Lady Catherine de Bourgh, as well as by his self-important and pedantic nature. It soon becomes apparent that Mr Collins has come to Longbourn to choose a wife from among the Bennet sisters and Elizabeth has been singled out. At the same time, Elizabeth forms an acquaintance with Mr Wickham, a militia officer who claims to have been very seriously mistreated by Mr Darcy, despite having been a ward of Mr Darcy's father. This tale, and Elizabeth's attraction to Mr Wickham, adds fuel to her dislike of Mr Darcy.

At a ball given by Mr Bingley at Netherfield, Mr Darcy becomes aware of a general expectation that Mr Bingley and Jane will marry, and the Bennet family, with the exception of Jane and Elizabeth, make a public display of poor manners and decorum. The following morning, Mr Collins proposes marriage to Elizabeth, who refuses him, much to her mother's distress. Mr Collins recovers and promptly becomes engaged to Elizabeth's close friend Charlotte. Mr Bingley abruptly leaves Netherfield and returns to London, and Elizabeth is convinced that Mr Bingley's sister have conspired to separate him from Jane.

 In the spring, Elizabeth visits Charlotte and Mr Collins in Kent. Elizabeth and her hosts are frequently invited to Rosings Park, home of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Darcy's aunt; and where Darcy also arrives to visit. Darcy again finds himself attracted to Elizabeth and, impetuously, proposes to her. Elizabeth, however, has just learned of Darcy's role in separating Mr Bingley from Jane. She angrily rebukes him, and a heated discussion follows; she charges him with destroying her sister's happiness, with treating Mr Wickham disgracefully, and with having conducted himself towards her in an ungentleman-like manner. Mr Darcy, shocked, apologizes for having 'wasted so much of her time' and takes his leave.  Later he responds with a letter giving an account of his actions: Wickham had exchanged his legacies for a cash payment, only to return after gambling away the money to reclaim the forfeited inheritance; he then attempted to elope with Darcy's young sister (Georgiana), thereby to capture her fortune. Regarding Mr Bingley and Jane, Darcy claimed he had observed no reciprocal interest in Jane for Bingley. Elizabeth later came to acknowledge the truth of Darcy's assertions.

Some months later, Elizabeth and her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner visit Pemberly, Darcy's estate, believing he will be absent for the day. He returns unexpectedly, and though surprised, he is gracious and welcoming. He treats the Gardiners with great civility; he introduces Elizabeth to his sister, and Elizabeth begins to realise her attraction to him. Their re-acquaintance is cut short, however, by news that Lydia, Elizabeth's sister, has run away with Mr Wickham. Elizabeth and the Gardiners return to Longbourn, where Elizabeth grieves that her renewed acquaintance with Mr Darcy will end because of her sister's disgrace.

Lydia and Wickham are soon found, then married by clergy; they visit Longbourn, where Elizabeth learns that Mr Darcy was responsible for finding the couple and negotiating their marriage—at great expense to himself. Now Mr Bingley returns to Longbourn and proposes marriage to Jane, who immediately accepts. Lady Catherine de Bourgh bursts in on Longbourn; intending to thwart local rumour she warns Elizabeth against marrying Mr Darcy. Elizabeth refuses her demands. Darcy, on hearing this, 'dares 

to hope' that Elizabeth's opinion of him may have changed. He travels to Longbourn and proposes again; and now Elizabeth accepts.

I love the movie & the book <3 It's quite different from modern novels but I still like. As I mentioned before, I'm beginning to like classic novels from Victorian england more and more. 

Dude wtfwtfwtfwtfwtfwtf remember that 'creepy' guy? Well he just called me again. I thought he would've been offended/put off after kaido & jen pretended to be my non-existent boyfriend and then he called just then. I was too chicken to pick up and since my mum was next to me she picked up. 

Her: Hellllllooo :D 

Him: err hi, is this penny?

Her: nahh I'm her mum :) 

So I expected her to tell him to go away etc. (since I told her to lie to him that I was sleeping) and then she's like:

'HEYY WANT TO COME OVER FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT?' 

are you freaking kidding me? - -" 

She found it very amusing and wants to see what he is like TT 

At least he was like 'Ohhh shouldn't you let penny know? She'll probably be shocked if I just randomly turn up'

Ah, the story of my life lol. Kay goodnight.

p.s I watched Jane Eyre the movie just then, I think i'm liking the victorian/regency england period more and more. I'm weird, I'm interested in history. Ahem, okay goodnights :)

Jennifer was like: ‘you look like a goddess’

Me: ‘yeah, a midget goddess whose dress doesn’t zip up, okay.’