Guilt
So, after tossing and turning the whole night feeling
guilty, I still decided to go on the outing after all. I reasoned this was
probably my only outing this holiday sooooo it was justifiable that I went
today. I still felt really guilty though, parents were like “We won’t stop you
going, but think about it. Every time you stress, every time you stay up, we
stay up with you. Don’t you think you should stay home and study? You’re
already going to music camp and UMAT workshop, how much study time do you have
left?”
Seemed like dad was a bit disappointed that I decided to go after all.
After talking to jen, I realized how stressed I really was, well, from the
pressure. Although my parents say they aren’t giving me pressure, but I
sometimes feel so obliged to follow everything they say..I know they have been
helping me a lot and I do appreciate it, but along with that comes the
expectation that I do well and I don’t want to disappoint them. Yet, it seems
every time I’m doing something not related to study, they seem very idno,
disappointed/unenthusiastic? They seem to think I forget about my
pre-examination stress as soon as the holiday starts.
Okay, I’m not as hardworking as some people out there, but I
think I improved from last year, however pathetic that sounds. Maybe I’m just
comforting myself. ANYWAYS, I’ll stop rambling about that. Today Elaine, Jenni,
Richie, Georgina, Daniel, Terry, Tim, Alan, Yee sum & I went to watch the
Hunger games!! It was pretty intense and followed the storyline pretty well
compared with other book-adapted films but like everyone said, the camera was
so shaky and retarded, made everyone feel a bit dizzy/sick. After that we went
to have lunch at the new Wintergarden food court, felt so out of place cause
everyone there was in business suits and were all ‘old people’. Stickies
afterwards with Elaine, jenni, Georgina, Richie, Yee Sum and Daniel while the
rest went to play pool. Haha I still haven’t gotten bored of taking sticky
photos even after all these years :L Played some pool with the rest (well more
like we were scabbing their table haha) then the guys left and the girls went…..SHOPPING!
I’m trying to be more girly these days haha, I found a whole
box of make-up which I received from various people and realized that I barely
use them sooooo…yeah but I still need to get used the feeling of it. Everytime
someone notices I just want to cover my face up ._. Cause I feel like I just
painted my face haha, okay I’m a freak. The girls made me try on a formal dress
which uhmm failed cause…it was a size four.
Jennifer was like: ‘you look like a goddess’Me: ‘yeah, a midget goddess whose dress doesn’t zip up, okay.’
Haha okay no. I can’t
be witty /sigh. Bumped into Phuong and Natalie while Elaine&georgina left
then Jenni&I went shoe shopping! I’ve always hated shoe shopping, cause.. I
always went with my mum, no one else ._. Well I always get bored/tired when I
shop and I’m too scared to try on any shoes but everytime I shop with jenni I
don’t mind. Today was the first time I actually enjoyed shoe shopping ;o and bought
shoes for myself. Got my first pair of wedges!! Always seem to step out of my
comfort zone whenever I shop with jenni haha :3
She persuaded me that I didn’t
look like a freak and I felt that I needed what you called ‘retail therapy’
anyway soooo yeah J
She bought these floral wedges which looked soooo nice on her :D Wish I had
long skinny legs… :L Okay so pedo lol. But yeah, I want to go and shop with
Jenwen more! Hohoho I shall gradually become more feminine and start liking shopping more :)
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