I want to be
-I want amazing marks so my parents won't be disappointed in me
-I want to be someone that people can look up to and respect
-I want to be someone who people turn to when they want someone to talk to
-I want to be astounding at something
-I want to be uniquely myself
-I want to be beautiful
-I want to be someone filled with positive spirit, someone who is full of optimism
-I want to be one of those people who can give joy to others
Most of all, I want to be able to achieve these things but realistically, its not going to be a possibility. Maybe if I worked hard, worked really really hard perhaps. Nah, I'm pretty sure I'll never be one of those people who stand out as astounding but I'm happy to just improve :s You know the other day, I realised the reason why I feel lonely when I'm not with friends & why I enjoyed going on the Japan trip so much.
After talking with mum, I realised it was because I always felt inferior and useless at home, unable to live up to expectations whereas at school, I'm someone that other people can sometimes talk to, someone who is sometimes able to help. I feel less useless and rather I am able to feel better about myself. Although I've been told that I'm pessimistic (well not towards others but mainly towards myself) I've never regarded myself as one of those with self esteem issues. However, I've slowly begun to realise that maybe I need to have a little more faith in myself cause telling myself I'm going to fail isn't magically going to help me, in fact, it'll make me feel like giving up. I've felt like giving up so many times, letting go of the possibility that I could achieve OP1, that I could do something amazing enough to please my parents. I just need to convince myself I can I guess. I'm awfully reliant on the opinion of others, so weird since I'm apparently stubborn and headstrong at the same time ._. personality disorder!! :O
Anyways, I should really get back to english...): 450 words only so far, not good not good. Draft due monday along with Math B draft tuesday + physics & I haven't even started!!!!!!!!!! What. Is. Wrong. With. Me. Need. To. Stop. Daydreaming.
Oh my gosh, I keep wanting to watch Kaichou wa maid-sama again T_T I thought I had stopped liking anime. Oh wells, I'm going crazy, thats okay too. Keep saying the most random things these days/ forgetting the most basic things ._. I have the memory span of a goldfish these days. Everything is blurring together, I've realised that I'm beginning to lose sense of time. I don't notice what day it is and I don't notice my fatigue at 1:30am in the morning ._. Ahhhh!! Wow I blog about the most random things. Anyways, goodnight my little ones :)
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