Behind
I remember back in the beginning of the year, I was so motivated. I was determined that I wouldn't slack off, that I wouldn't give up my dreams without trying hard first. I didn't want to be one of those people who gave up and complained all the time. Yet, here I am now, with nowhere to go.
I don't know what's wrong with me this term. It seems like all the fight has gone out of me. Mind you, I was already losing motivation in term two. I guess it was probably the OP prediction and witnessing something things which really deflated me. Despite what I've said, I haven't managed to get that motivation back. I'm convinced deep inside that there is no hope, that i'll be fine either way.
Somehow. It's really scaring me actually, the fact that I haven't really been doing any study since the beginning of this term. Compared to the last two terms, I've been doing very little. I feel no motivation at all, even with my assignments. I should be taking this chance to do my best because term 3 counts a lot and also, assignments tend to be easier for me than tests. I've just been wandering around aimlessly, unable to settle down. What is wrong with me? I think having the computer in my room is really bad - except I need to do my assignments so yeah :\ can't really do anything about that. I'm caught in this bad cycle of: procrastinate. Guilt. Eat. Procastinate. Guilt. Sleep. Procastinate. Guilt. Eat.
The more I'm procrastinating, the less I want to study. I'm so damn behind in every single one of my subjects. My english speech is tomorrow and I haven't even started memorising it. Usually I have a few days to memorise it and everything. Seriously. WHAT IS WRONG. I know complaining won't even help and i'm just wasting even more time typing this. I'm going to regret everything very soon - block exams are looming and i'm really really really behind. It's scaring me so damn much. Everyone is on track and I'm just walking leisurely behind, like I don't have a care in the world. I don't want to give up, but it feels like in my heart I already have. Yeah this happens all the time - -" I can't just hope everything will be okay, or someone will miraculously save me - because that isn't going to happen. I really need to suck it up.
Okay just going to spazz a little. Hopefully I'll be back on track after this ): (wishful thinking). I really feel like talking to jenwen ): wow I lived without msn for like 2 terms and now i'm back, needing to socialise every day.
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